biancadarc.com Blog

My Apologies

To those who expected to see me at the group author signing in CT yesterday. Due to family issues, I couldn’t go. I tried. Truly. Up ’til the last minute, I tried to convince certain parties that we had to get out of the house and deal with our shared grief over the death of my Mother a little over a month and a half ago, but it just didn’t work. Although I’m beginning to feel like I need to start living again, my father is so lost in his grief, he can barely sleep and doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything unless I literally force him into it.

I thought I’d be able to drag him along with me to this signing. I thought it would be good for both of us. But he’s not ready. He adamantly refused to budge and I couldn’t leave him alone in the mental state he was in at the time. It’s just him and me now – no other family in the area - no friends left in the area either. So I’ve become his de facto companion. Not something I ever envisioned happening, but there it is. *sigh*

I truly think he would have been okay to go if we hadn’t just had news a few days ago of the passing of a dear family friend. This person had been a friend of my mother’s since before I was born. They’d worked together in the 1960′s – they were both teachers – and the families had become friends. We spent many a holiday with their family in the ’80′s and ’90′s, and to hear of his death brought back those awful first few days after my Mom’s death for us. My father can’t even bring himself to go to the funeral.

So I apologize to those I missed yesterday and I particularly apologize to Stella Price, who set up the whole thing. I know it was a huge success and I only wish I’d been able to go. At this point, I’m not sure I’ll be able to go anywhere in the next few months. I’m taking one day at a time as much as possible. Thank you all for understanding.