A Bittersweet Day

May 21, 2010 on 9:56 pm | In Life | 5 Comments

Today would have been my parents 55th wedding anniversary. I’ve spent all day trying to avoid reminding my Dad what day it is. Neither of us have mentioned it. I think it’d be less painful for him to not remember. I know the date has weighed on my mind all day. We both miss my Mom – her laughter, her joy in living, her adventurous spirit – and it only seems to get worse, not better.

Then the UPS man delivered a box. An unexpected box of books. My newest release.

Mom always took such delight in every little success, each new arrival of books. Now, I just throw them on the pile. My Dad could care less. Oh, he tries to sound enthusiastic, but he’s never been a demonstrative man. I’m sure on some level he’s proud of me, but he’s very low key. So there’s nobody to celebrate the little victories in life with anymore. I feel so very alone.

And yet, I can only imagine the pain of losing the love of your life. Your partner of 55+ years. If you count the time they dated, they’ve known each other almost 60 years. It’s unfathomable. I can only sympathize with him and try to understand.

Sorry for being so depressing. It’s why I haven’t been blogging. I find it hard to be upbeat, and I’m sure it’s hard on everyone to post the truth of how I’m feeling too often. So for right now, just give me some more time to get my feet back under me. I’m sadder than I’ve ever been in my life and now I’m having some health concerns of my own. Wish me luck and if you believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking, please send some of those good vibes my way. Couldn’t hurt, right? Thank you all for putting up with me. I hope to have more news to post about my books soon. In the meantime, thanks for your continued support and indulgence.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad.

5 Comments »

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  1. Hey Bianca,
    *lots of hugs* coming your way…I know it’s tough going right now…I can’t even imagine what you’re going through…Just remember that your Mum will always be with you in spirit.

    *hugs*

    Comment by Anna Shah Hoque — May 22, 2010 #

  2. Thanks, Anna. Very kind of you to comment. Hugs right back at’cha. :)

    Comment by Bianca D'Arc — May 22, 2010 #

  3. Hey there. I have not been able to focus lately. I am pregnant and due any day now. This little one has been the hardest for me. But I am glad I checked in today to see how things are going and what is going on. I am very excited to hear about the upcoming books! =) I am so very sorry to hear about you not feeling very well. As I have said before, even though we have never met, you are in my prayers. Weather you know it or not your books are the first I read when I was looking for something “more” to read. And they set a standard to the rest that I read. Keep in touch :)

    Comment by LaceFace — May 24, 2010 #

  4. Cyber hugs, positive thoughts, and my prayers go out to you and your dad. I cannot fathom the loss of your mother and for your dad, his beloved wife.

    Comment by Suzette — May 24, 2010 #

  5. Keeping you in my prayers and hoping that you find comfort in your memories and feel the love of all your fans. I’m sure (speaking as a mother)the spirit of your mother is with you always. I’m confident that your success is still celebrated in the essence of the day. Loss takes time. Speaking from loss…I know that for me it never has left me, but it has made me treasure each wonderful moment and take a minute to celebrate in knowing that your mother would be proud as I’m sure she always was. I love your book and look forward to reading more.

    Best wishes in all you do and keep the books coming. =)

    Sasha Collins

    Comment by Sasha (belinda) collins — May 25, 2010 #

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