biancadarc.com Blog

Sad Anniversaries

If you wonder why I’ve been so quiet lately…

A year ago today, my Mom went in for surgery on her lung – or more accurately, the pleura, the area between the lung and the lining of the chest. We thought they’d be able to heal her but instead, the surgeon came out after giving up on her because he found so much cancer in there, he decided not to even try. That’s the way it sounded. He was an ass with no bedside manner.

Until then, nobody knew for sure whether or not she had cancer. All the tests she’d undergone in the month of September had come back negative and we were very optomistic. My Mom had been full of energy just a month before, always healthy and full of fire. She summed it up to me after one memorable doctor visit when she turned to me in the car and said, “And here I thought I would live forever.”

Everyone who knew her thought she would too. She was so invicible. She never let anything stop her and she never fell ill. Even a cold wouldn’t dare infect her. She was too healthy.

Or so we thought.

A year ago today, I stood at her side in the surgical ICU as tubes drained over four and a half liters of bloody fluid out of her chest. The surgeon installed a tube in  her side that we hoped could come out at some point. Instead, she died with it still in her side, two days before Christmas. Between October and December, I held her hand each and every single time the nurse would come to drain the fluid that kept accumulating in her chest. It was a daily process and again we were fooled. The fluid clarified from dark red to a yellow color over time, which was a hopeful sign. It decreased when she started chemotherapy, which we also took to mean the chemo was working.

It wasn’t.

She died still planning to be better in “the Spring” – a magical time we hoped, prayed and planned for. A time that never came. For her.

My Srping was dismal. My Summer was worse. Fall is full of despair.

They say the first year is the worst. I hope they’re right – whoever they are – because I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

I try not to look at the calendar. I try not to know what date it is or think back to what was going on a year ago today — when I still had my Mom – my best friend. I dread the anniversary of her death, the coming of Christmas that is no more for me. I dread knowing it is more than a year. It’s an artificial milestone, I know, but it still feels like she’s close when I think it’s only been a year since I was happy. What will happen when it’s more than a year, I don’t know. I suppose people will lose patience with my grief. Many already have.

Those who didn’t have the kind of relationship with anyone that I had with my Mom will not understand and I feel sorry for them in a way. In another way, I envy them. They’ll never know this pain. Then again, they’ll never know the joy and love I experienced either. I was lucky. I know that. My Mom was one in a million. I learned so much from her and gained so much by following in her footsteps and learning from her example.

I just wish she were still here. She was too young to die and she took a large part of my heart and happiness with her.

Just For Fun

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Just For Fun

Being a native Long Islander, I can really appreciate the spirit of this seagull. LOL!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Writing With The Stars

Some of you may have heard about the big contest RT Magazine is running in conjunction with Kensington Publishing. It’s called Writing With The Stars and it matches up 10 Finalists with Mentors from among the list of Kensington Brava published authors.

I’ve been matched up as Mentor to a great Mentee named Lisa Kessler. Her book, MOONLIGHT, is one of the Finalists. Major congrats to Lisa! We’ve been working together on the assignments for the past few days and she is a really fantastic and talented lady. I think you’re all going to like her entries when you get a chance to read them in RT Magazine in a few months.

The winner will be announced at the RT Convention in Los Angeles in April 2011. Let’s all wish her the best of luck and keep an eye out for her entries in the next couple of issues of RT! Go Lisa!!!

FYI – The Finalists were announced HERE. Lisa’s blog is on myspace HERE. Lisa is also on facebook and twitter. Friend her!

THE BEAST WITHIN – On Sale Now!

THE BEAST WITHIN, the paranormal anthology from Kensington Brava with stories by Erin McCarthy, Bianca D’Arc and Jennifer Lyon is on sale now in print and ebook forms.

Meet three men without boundaries, hell-bent on satisfying their deepest desires—and those of the women who drive them wild…

The Howling by Erin McCarthy
When Liv Lugaru’s boyfriend Sebastian disappears, she finds comfort in his brother’s arms. But Sebastian is much closer than Liv realizes…and he’ll stop at nothing to protect her from the feral danger that comes alive only when she sleeps…

Smoke On The Water by Bianca D’Arc
In the misty fog of a lakefront village, zombies are roaming wild—and zombie hunter John Petit must stop the carnage. John is also fighting a different kind of battle: a forbidden passion for his new partner, Donna. With her help, killing zombies is a walk in the park, but keeping his desire in check is making him sweat…

Redeeming The Wizard by Jennifer Lyon
Gage Remington was once a powerful wizard; now he’s a recluse who keeps the world at bay. But when Mira Tate arrives at Gage’s door, she stirs in him an attraction he can’t deny. Soon, Gage will risk everything to keep Mira close—even the secret that may be his ruin…

Here’s the link to the print book on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0758247354

Here’s the link to the Kindle version on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/The-Beast-Within-ebook/dp/B003IYI82M/

Here’s the B&N print link: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Beast-Within/Erin-McCarthy/e/9780758247353/

Here’s the B&N digital link: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Beast-Within/Erin-McCarthy/e/9780758262622/?itm=1

On Sale Now, wherever books are sold…

Come over to The D’Arc Side… www.biancadarc.com